News Reality

Help! A Problem-Solver's Guide

by Terri Trespicio Life is full of trials, both big and small--no surprise there. The fight with a coworker, an expensive repair, plans with a friend that fall through. But did you know that the way in which we attempt to solve the problems that arise makes these inevitable situations harder to handle? Have you ever thought, "This always happens to me!" or "Everything is ruined now!" when something goes awry? These reactions are called our "Why Style," and we all tend to have habitual Why Styles that are inaccurate and get in the way of problem-solving. "When we get hit by a problem, the very first thing we do is ask, 'why is this happening?'" says Andrew Shatté, PhD, Chief Science Officer for meQuilibrium. "This is normal, but we need to catch ourselves when we fall into the Why Styles that tend to generalize that things are all bad or it's all someone else's fault." There are two Why Styles that trip us up the most. Let's explore them now, and learn how to flex around them to unlock your problem-solving power. 1. "That's just the way it is." One Why Style that can create a cascade of stress is called, "Always vs. Not Always." Here's an example: Let's say your daughter won't focus on her schoolwork and her grades are slipping. An "Always" response would be: "This is how kids are. They just always do what they want, regardless of what's best for them." This frames the issue as a permanent problem, which makes finding a solution much more difficult. On the other hand, a "Not Always" response allows for variation and circumstance: "This isn't like her. Maybe something's bothering her at school. We should talk about what's really going on." A "Not Always" response allows us to see the issue as temporary--and allows us to consider a wider breadth of solutions. In other words, when you can see a situation as something that is happening now, rather than an unchangeable rule, you can address it more effectively--far better than if you assume that things are and will "always" be this way. 2. "I'm no good at this." The other Why Style that trips us up is "Everything vs. Not Everything," in which you either make a sweeping generalization or see each issue as a standalone event. Let's say your manager disapproves of how you handled a project. With an "Everything" response, you might think: "No one's ever happy with what I do. I'm no good at this." But the more resilient response is the "Not Everything" response: "There must be a specific reason why she didn't like how I handled this. Once I find out, I can make sure it doesn't happen again." "These two Why Styles are problematic because people who default to them--and I'm one of them--tend to see only those causes of a problem that, by definition, are going to be around forever and affect everything, as opposed to being solvable and controllable," says Dr. Shatté. "With a little flexibility, we can get to some more temporary and specific causes that allow us some leverage over the problem." So the next time you're faced with a problem, listen closely for your response to why it's happening. When you shift your perspective, a troublesome situation can become more manageable--and less stressful.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Read Full Article On
Dr. M-J Milloy, a research scientist with the British Columbia Centre for Excellence in HIV/AIDS, says harm reduction efforts could be an important f
SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australia court overturned on Saturday government approval of a A$130 million fuel depot and port at Port Melville, off the country’s north coast, handing a major victory to envi
Proponents say treatment helps with several ailments, but it is not without controversy             
Melanie Mitchell, manager of Boost Cryospa, gives Marion Hackett a Cryofacial. The ice cold vapor helps to produce collagen in the skin.             
Hannah Humphrey, 25, from Ipswich,dropped from a size 18 to a size eight in just 18 months, which triggered her gallstones. An operation to remove them also found a cancerous tumour.
Soylent meal replacement bars are being recalled after reports of illness, the Canadian Food Inspection Agency said Friday.
ATCHISON, Kansas (Reuters) - More than 100 people were treated for respiratory problems after a chemical spill at an MGP Ingredients Inc facility on Friday generated a chemical cloud over the northeas
Monkeys observed by a team at UC Davis had higher levels of inflammation if they felt unsure about whether they were a leader or a follower in their group.
HealthDay News A growing number of American children with headaches are being seen at pediatric emergency departments and admitted to the hospital, researchers report.
We all like to think of ourselves as the woman warrior, the indomitable female the can-do girl who lives every moment with intensity and attention. But, alas, we are human and we have our down days an
You'll find my favorite Halloween decoration at the front desk of my dental practice: a bowl of candy labeled "free cavities." (Yes, I know, dentists are hilarious!) This weekend, children will dre
Students are pouring hundreds of tons of plain milk into the garbage in Los Angeles schools each week. Maybe that's because more than 88 percent of Los Angeles Unified School District students are p
Here's a fact you can impress your friends with -- every 30 minutes your kidneys filter all the blood in your body eliminating waste and excess fluid. Pretty amazing isn't it. Yet, how many of us re
(Reuters) - Former Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders, in an opinion editorial published in the Los Angeles Times, on Friday urged Californians to approve a November ballot measure aimed
At the third and final debate last Wednesday, GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump drew a lot of criticism for his medically inaccurate and emotionally charged description of late-term abortio
OTTAWA (Reuters) - Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is usually greeted by cheering crowds when he goes out in public but received a less pleasant welcome in Hamilton on Friday - a handful of pum
(Reuters Health) - Heart attack survivors who participate in cardiac rehabilitation programs may survive longer, but feel no healthier, than they would without this follow-up care, a U.S. study sugges
Umpire Rock, also known as Rat Rock, has been a climbing oasis for children, and adults, of all ages for decades.
Remember that scene in “When Harry Met Sally” when Sally does her best “fake orgasm” impression in Katz’s Deli?  Well, the WatchCut Video above is
(Reuters) - A Sunoco Logistics Partners LP pipeline spilled about 1,300 barrels of gasoline into the Susquehanna River in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, on Friday, according to local media.
Couples often ask for advice about for how they can improve their communication. "If we could just find better ways to communicate with each other," they say, "we would have a much better relationship
I have previously expressed my appreciation of the JAMA 1993 paper "Actual Causes of Death in the US", written by Mike McGinnis and Bill Foege. The paper is central in the course that I that I am now
Researchers at the University of British Columbia found that people chose smaller portions of cake when they were asked to vividly imagine the taste, smell, and texture of desserts.
45 minutes into a killer bootcamp workout, sweat dripped from my forehead, my muscles ached. With the fervor of a nervous first time city council candidate addressing a room of two dozen senior cit
HealthDay News Traffic crash death rates for American children vary widely among states, and safety regulations are a major reason why, a new study suggests.
A special thanks to Miranda Ebraheim for assisting in this article. Rat-bite fever is an illness caused from bacteria that is transmitted by rodents. The condition goes by many names but it is ty
HealthDay News Social media publicity about a teen's suicide wasn't a driving factor in the rise of emergency department visits by Canadian teens for suicidal thoughts and attempts, a new study sugges
(Reuters Health) - People with type 1 diabetes often develop other autoimmune disorders, such as thyroid and gastrointestinal diseases, and a recent study yields new information about this link.
HealthDay News Many Americans don't know that indoor use of electronic cigarettes exposes children to nicotine and leaves nicotine deposits on surfaces, a new survey shows.
Ryan MaassWASHINGTON, Oct. 21 (UPI) -- A natural compound found in the skin of grapes and red wine may assist with correcting the hormone imbalance in women with polycystic ovary syndrome.
PALO ALTO, Calif. (Reuters) - After repeated failed attempts to establish an Antarctic Ocean sanctuary, the United States is hopeful it can sway Russia to agree to a plan that would protect a vast swa
GENEVA (Reuters) - Two companies making vaccines to help the world eradicate polio are failing to produce enough, so many countries should prepare to give lower doses to make stocks last, a group of e
Written by Makenzie Cochran So often, many well-meaning people tell those who stutter to just breathe, talk slower or overcome their anxiety. I truly believe most of these people don’t mea
Kai Greene reacts to Phil Heath, Big Ramy's rise, and the judging at Olympia. Every week, Iron Cinema will connect you with Generation Iron director Vlad Yudin. Giving you unprecedented inside acces

Recent News

Myanmar Shifts Gears to Drive Growth in Small Business

Aung San Suu Kyi is promoting an overhauled investment law to a new generation of smaller businesses that her government hopes will one day dilute the influence of Myanmar’s old military-linked oligar
Read Full Article

Canada, EU Trade Deal Still Has Life

The EU held 11th-hour talks with Canada in an effort to salvage their planned trade deal, which is hanging by a thread after the persistent refusal by a Belgian region to support the accord.
Read Full Article

Iran’s Rouhani signs act on construction of joint hydroelectric plants with Azerbaijan

Iranian President Hassan Rouhani has signed an act on implementing an existing agreement between Iran and Azerbaijan for constructing hydroelectric plants
Read Full Article

India withdraws from investment in Iran’s petrochemical sector

Read Full Article

TSE adds 295 points on Oct 22

Read Full Article

Iran customs signs deals with Pakistan, Azerbaijan

Read Full Article

Iran, Singapore sign MoU on shipbuilding

Read Full Article

Iran’s drilling company announces tender to purchase BOP

Read Full Article

Chantelle Houghton cuts a slimmer figure as she heads out in Essex in workout gear

Chantelle Houghton displayed a slimmer figure as she headed out in Essex[Flynet] Just a couple of weeks ago the Big Brother star was snapped with a fuller figure. But if these latest pictures are
Read Full Article

Popular Finance


6 ways to up your odds of getting a mortgage

Tips that lending experts say can help you in getting approved for a mortgage.        
Read Full Article

4 spooky ways to get your home ready for Halloween

Spookify your scullery.        
Read Full Article

10 worst states for women: 24/7 Wall St.

Perhaps the most egregious component of gender inequality in the U.S. is the wage gap.        
Read Full Article

Iran among 5 world Mineral Processing Research Centers

Tehran, Oct 22, IRNA – The Supervisor of Iranian Mineral Processing Research Center (IMPRC) said that the country is among five world Mineral Processing Research Centers and first in the Middle East.
Read Full Article

The similarities are too obvious: Donald Trump thinks like a Nazi

To the editor: As a British visitor in Southern California for a few weeks with family, I am avidly following the election campaign. Max Boot’s fine piece on Republican presidential nominee Donald
Read Full Article

The largest methane leak in U.S. history began one year ago at Aliso Canyon. What have we learned since then?

One year ago, state oil and gas officials received a report of a small, routine methane leak at the Aliso Canyon underground natural gas storage field in the hills north of Porter Ranch. But as it
Read Full Article

AT&T has its eye on Time Warner

Good morning. It is Saturday, Oct. 22. Here’s what you don’t want to miss this weekend: TOP STORIES That’s entertainment: In what many see as a virtual earthquake in the media and technology world
Read Full Article

Inconvenienced by a mother-in-law's death: How compassionate.

To the editor: Reading Amy Goldman Koss’ account of sorting through her late mother-in-law’s belongings made me sad. For one thing, I read it on the anniversary of my father’s death. (“When my mot
Read Full Article

LAUSD's affordable housing boondoggle shows why voters must reject ballot measures

To the editor: Reading this article on affordable housing built for but unoccupied by Los Angeles Unified School District teachers confirmed my decision to vote “no” on most of the complex proposi
Read Full Article